Planetary Alignments and Chinese Food
by asterixgazer
Summary: Stiles was just trying to be a good friend and bring some food over for the freakin' alpha... But he's slowly grown accustomed to the fact that the universe would now and forever hate him.


**Writer's block + procrastination on a summer reading project = THIS!**

Disclaimer : jeff. davis. teen. wolf. plot. bunnies.

Rating: Improper use of astrology, swearing, chinese take-out, libidos, and innuendos up the whazzo.

* * *

Stiles yelled out in the manliest way ever as a heavy blur tackled him to the ground before he could even knock on his alpha's front door. Rough stubble burned his ear as Derek leaned over and whispered sharply in his ear "This is the part where you die…"

_Oh fuckity shit, I'm too young to die, I can't die as a virgin, this isn't fair, what the heckin' hell?! _Stiles tried to flail out to protect himself, but strong arms held him in place.

The heavy alpha slowed pulled away, eyes slowly fading from bright red to their normal hazel. Stiles gulped loudly, turning to look away from the piercing gaze that seemed to be looking into his soul. "I… I brought food…" Stiles whispered. "That isn't… ya know… my _throat_."

Derek didn't move even as Stiles hands bent at uncomfortable looking angles to tap on his captors wrists. "Mr. Big and Scary?"

Sharp fangs snarled, causing Stiles to promptly shut the holy hell up. "Stiles, I could have killed you. And you wouldn't have been able to do anything…"

Stiles smiled nervously. "Good thing you love me too much to do that… right? You'd miss my rambling."

Derek rolled his eyes and got off the teen, holding out a hand to help him up. Stiles grabbed a firm grip on the alpha's hand and tried to pull him down by catching him off guard.

"Nice try."

"Really?"

"No." Derek pulled the teen up with a quick jerk of his hand.

"I swear to all the gods, if you spilt my Chinese food…" Stiles ran over to the paper bag he had been holding and checked on his precious food. It was all fine. "You're lucky, dog breath… I would've gone all kung-fu on your werewolf ass…"

Derek just chuckled and pushed door wide open so the teen could follow him in. "Do we really need a repeat of the front door? And what is it with you and my werewolf ass?"

"Well, you know, with the trajectory of the sun and the moon, and the linear alignment of the planets, equinoxes and whatnot…" Stiles started ranting, pulling Derek's food out of the bag. "…I got you chicken and broccoli!"

Derek took the food and picked out a piece of chicken, popping it in the air only to catch it in his mouth. Stiles just watched, amused at the fact that the big, bag alpha played with his food. Like teasing a bunny, letting it think it had gotten away before pouncing and tearing its throat out… with his teeth…

"Stiles?"

The teen was pulled out of his train of thought. "Yeah?"

"You were being really quiet, I thought something was wrong."

"Oh, nah. Just thinking about bunnies."

The alpha just shook his head as Stiles sat on the couch, dust flying up from the old furniture. "Believe it or not, that's my bed."

Stiles couldn't have gotten up quicker if Derek had said it was on fire. "Whoops! I just thought… you know, 'cause it's a couch, it was meant to be sat on… by people…"

"I don't entertain much."

Stiles scoffed. "I couldn't tell, what with your bubbly personality and inviting home. Well, I wouldn't want people sitting on my bed, either. Actually… I don't think people would wanna sit on my bed. What with the teenage germs and such…"

Derek looked over at the teen, one eyebrow raised ever so questioningly. "Teenage germs?"

Stiles just looked at the alpha. Then it hit him, eyes widening. "No, no. Not what I meant. No, no, no, not those teenage germs, I just meant-"

"No, no need to explain, I can smell it all over you."

"Ew! Derek, that's not right, just knock it off!"

"I'm not the one with the teenage libido."

Stiles closed his eyes in disgust, arms flying every which way. "That is just about enough, because we are finished talking about my teenage libido!"

"Needed to clear out the plumbing before you came over?" Derek asked as if talking about this was as nonchalant as talking about the weather.

"No, shut your face, stop, stop, knock it off."

"I can smell it. Your scent changes when you think about me. When I throw you around, your scent peaks with arousal. In the pool… with our _wet_ bodies…"

Stiles' face flushed bright red as he started singing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' to himself while clasping his hands over his ears and clamping his eyes shut.

Derek just chuckled and continued eating as the teen had his little hissy fit. After a few moments, Stiles peeked over to where Derek was eating. His mouth was full of food, so he couldn't say anything inappropriate… right?

Stiles grabbed his food and sat on a box full of god knows what. He started to eat his Chinese when he heard Derek say "I could feel your boner the whole time we were in the pool."

"Jesus, Derek!" Stiles yelled, mouth full of noodles. "While I'm eating?!"

Derek hummed in amusement and continued with his lunch. He picked a piece of chicken and slowly put it in his mouth, savoring the taste. The alpha could feel the teen's eyes on him. The groan that came from his mouth was boarder line orgasmic.

"What the fuck, I can't fucking eat like this…" he heard the teen mumble as he pushed the food in the container around with a chopstick.

"What's the matter?" Derek asked, feigning innocence.

"You and your food relationship goin' on over there, with your groans and whatnot…"

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Your chicken is giving you an orgasm!" Stiles yelled out without censoring his thoughts.

"Like you had last night?" Derek asked. The teen just yelled, throwing his food in the air. "And this morning?" Stiles got up to leave. "And before you left to come over here?"

"This is bullshit, I bring the fucker over lunch and he just harasses me and it's not my fault…" the teen mumbled as he stormed out of the alphas house.

Derek followed the fuming Stiles outside. He leaned against the boy's Jeep as he hurried to buckle up. "You know, you can _come_ over here anytime you want…"

"I'm not going anywhere near you ever again, you fucking bloodhound…" Stiles yelled half to the alpha, half to his Jeep, which refused to start. Derek gave the Jeep a swift kick and it roared to life.

Stiles stomped on the gas and drove down the ridiculously long driveway as he recapped what the fuck had just happened.

"_You can _come_ over here anytime you want…"_

"…come_ over here anytime you want…"_

"…come _anytime you want…"_

Derek laughed as he heard the screech of Stiles brakes and the click of gears as the teen jammed the Jeep into reverse.

* * *

Yup. Time to call up and order some chinese food.

Thoughts? Love it, hate it, say what you want about it, but all of the boys and all of the girls...?

That's all I know.

Wow, this is not my best work...

**SUGGEST SONGS FOR MY SONGFIC! _DO IT!_**


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